This is my daily diary … for the public and Family. I’m going to send this to one person in the family and to the public. Each line was talking to different family members.
I’m not going to fix any punctuation and grammar error or spelling. Because, life is a *collection of our *triumph, *errors*, and *victories.
I could fix them but what's the point. This is My version of the
- * = The words that I didn’t know how to spell at the time.
- () = sometimes me talking to myself or you the reader.
Day 1.
I’m here trying to figure out the part of my like when I first lost myself. Was it the first time I ever stole something from the store or when I took that person game from my Uncle (I took out his Name) neighbor house. My earliest memory of my childhood is when I stole a Yo-yo from the story. Ask me why, because “I Can” even till now I still have that same beilfere. I’m trying to figure if that’s so wrong. Why can’t I do what’s best for myself even though other may not understand the satiation that I’m trying to figure out.
The truth of the matter is, that I don’t care and I’m a selfish person. I truly only love myself and taliorate others that are around my life. But if that’s really true why did I take mommy's bible from her room. Again, I took something that did not belong to me.
Am I, truly a bad person for doing that.
… Just finishing looking over how much money I have. I know for a fact it’s not ehought. I have to look for a job but too sad to leave my room. My room … lol … my room. I can finally say my room. But it still doesn’t feel as that. … it’s hard trying to clearly express ideas that a forming in my head. Maybe of the lack time that I put in building my vocabulary. Just right now I forgot how to spell “put, vocabulary, and neighbor.” I guess you were right I need to read more. Lol. Don’t worry I brought some books to read. The Intelligent Investor by Benjamin Graham, Ethical Theory by Russ Shafer-Landau, Black Privilege “Opportunity Comes to Those Who Create It” by Charlamagne Tha God, and last Mommy’s Bible by God. I made sure that’s the last thing that I took from the house.
I don’t why, I wanted you to know this but, probably because feel as tho it will bring you much *comfort.
I’m *scared to walk out of my room and down the street. I’m scared to talk to anyone, even the old woman who is trying to cross the street with *cane. I can’t believe myself. … “Is this me.” I don’t remember the last time that I have ever been fearful of the world. When I walk down the street I’m so neveros. I feel like the whole world is watching me waiting for me to make a mistake. I feel this overwhelming *pressure to look around and watch everyone, bc I feel like I’m food for the next man to eat.
Is it because, I’m lonely and feel out of place or bc I’m around a lot of black people and feel out of place, wishing that *gentrification hits this neighborhood like a *plague of *locusts . Either way I feel at of place. And truly I have two choices, “Go home or Shut Up.”
Not sure what I want to do yet, Daddy will give me so much shit. He probably say some shit like, “You have tasted, the world and you could not handle it!! ... Go and set down and roll your blacket.”
But I’m tired of rolling my blacket. I want to start my life.
BUT IS THIS TRULY LIFE…
I always thought life is only divided up into three thing: Family, Friends, God.
I have always struggled with that idea. Love my Family with 80% of my heart. I tried doing that 100% thing when I was young. Why did I give up on that Idea?? I always noticed that family members hurt you more that stranger on the street. None of my family member has ever hurt me: in fact, I do more of the hurting. (why) I really don’t know. I trying to figure out why I hurt mommy so much… Really don’t understand my behiever sometimes.
Friends?? I always had a hard time making them and even keeping in touch with them. My first friend that I ever made was a white kid. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I just think it’s funny. Classroom filled with Blacks, Latinos, a White boy, Africans, and Others . I decided to befriend a white kid. I was very mature for my age, I saw everyone the same. Haha take that Trump. (Idk why I put that in but in)
I guess i should talk about the pillar that God holds in my life but I’m not comfortable with that. It’s my version of a personal computer that I don’t have to share with the world and Church is my internet. I hope that you can understand that analogy. I Need to read more so I can *deliver complex idea/information as Daddy and Uncle (I took out his Name).
IS THIS LIFE…
I forgot the first time I asked myself this question. It’s was before going to Nerigan for 8 months. But it’s was after first I was caught taking Daddy money. (WHY on earth did I do that??) No one pressured me into doing that. I think I just wanted to be cool. (Did I??) lol… I figured it out, I wanted to be noticed. That’s selfish of me. Too cause pain because I feel overlook. I’m a really shit head bc of that.
I understand the idea of right vs wrong.
But do I truly agree with that idea. Thinking about the idea of lying. I lie must of the time. Is it wrong yep. But I trying to present an image that rest of the people can agree with.
What is that image??
I should have just want to college more. Lol. If I did I probably Have more of grip on who is Ikenna Onwuvuche. What is his real belief *structure, and how does it truly fit in with the rest of the world.
This is my daily diary … for the public and Family. I’m going to send this to one person in the family and to the public. Each line was talking to different family members.
I’m not going to fix any punctuation and grammar error. Because, life is a *collection of our *triumph, *errors*, and *victories.
I could fix them but what's the point. This is My verison of the
- * = The words that I didn’t know how to spell at the time.
- () = sometimes me talking to myself or you the reader.
Be Great ... Do Great Things … And Love
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